29 May 2012

So guys, I officially suck at blogging. Well, since I haven't posted since right before my birthday, let me fill you in all the craziness. Since my last post, the 21st of February, I have turned 18 and bought a car with money I have been saving. I bought an all white, 97 Honda Civic. It runs amazingly well for an older car! Although, I've had to replace several things on it, I still love it. My front passenger door is now black and the fender is grey, but hey, it still runs! It picks up speed rather quickly though, which for someone such as myself, can be kind of dangerous. Thank you Mom and Dad for passing down your "lead foot" genes! Also, I got passed the one year mark of losing my Mom. It was incredibly hard and by far the toughest thing I've ever done, but I'm here still so I suppose that's an accomplishment. I also dated someone new, but that lasted all of about four weeks. I didn't feel anything and I guess he still does all this time later. In May, I accomplished finishing high school, which at times, I didn't think was possible. Six years (jr. high and high school) of the same plaid skirt, button up, and tie.. thank god I never have to put that on again! I'm sad to be leaving such amazing people, but after the last few, horrible years, I need a new start and I'm finally getting it. I also went to Grad Night at Six Flags, which was cold as hell, but tons of fun! I got to hang out with great people and tried new roller coasters that I never thought I would. The next morning, I attended senior breakfast with my friends. Although, that was far from fun. We were so sleep deprived, starving, and cold that we didn't talk much. Oh! Even better, I've finally decided on my tattoo.. it's a piece by the lovely and extremely talented, Sara Blake! I will post photos when it's done.. which will be in late June. And now I'm off, because I have a lot of wardrobe changes to do.. I need to find a good outfit for tonight's award ceremony and tomorrow's party. Farewell all!

21 February 2012

Today, I don't have any thoughtful remarks or interesting stories... but I will tell you about my day. How exciting, right? Well, I was really happy, because I had two gigantic cups of coffee before 6am and managed to make it until almost 3PM. Classes were lame, nothing interesting today. I came home today, slept, and hung out with Dad, which actually was a lot of fun. I don't know how to talk to my Dad about personal stuff, but I'm trying. I wanted to tell him how nice it was to hang out with him today. We played around with the pets and dressed up the dog. Mature, right? ;) It was funny though and my puppy is a good sport. She deserves a good tummy rub later. Back to the point though. Moments like this really mean the world to me, but they make me miss my Mom deeply. Mom and I used to do silly stuff and my Dad would shake his head as he watched us. Now, it's Dad and I acting like children. I made the mistake of asking him about getting blood work done though, which led us to talking about my Mom. He mentioned how strong she was after going through so many surgeries, being poked with so many needles, and undergoing so many tests. We both agreed neither of us are anywhere near as courageous as her, but we must have some sort of courage sinc ewe are still here after the chaotic events of 2011. We both became extremely quiet, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, and when I glanced at my Dad, his eyes were too. Moments like this, I wish I was strong enough to do something.. even, say something, but talking about my Mom kills me. There's no use fighting it, I'm scarred, but I want to be here for my Dad somehow. I'll make a change, soon.
On a happier note, I am starting a new project on Monday, the twenty-seventh of February. I am going to do a 365 project, where you take a picture everyday for a year. Which means, I'll start it the day before my birthday, or maybe I'll wait and start it the following day, we will see. Also, someone super special sent me a package from Australia!! I felt so special and everything inside was.. Perfect!! I absolutely loved every piece of it and all the meaning behind each item were amazing!! I feel incredibly lucky and very special. You know who you are, hopefully you read this.
I'm off for the night, time to do pointless homework.. or maybe, procrastinate as much as possible. ;) Farewell All!

20 February 2012

"Not even they can stop me now, Boy, I'll be flying overhead, Their heavy words can't bring me down, Boy, I've been raised from the dead." - Radio by Lana Del Rey

If you're reading this and thinking that I might possibly have a new obsession, well, you might just be right. Okay, no.. you ARE right. Lana Del Rey has been my inspiration for today's post. I woke up with a smile, realized how I really feel about something that's been troubling me, and blasted the album, "Born to Die," while I did my morning yoga. Other than feeling like jello, I feel amazing.. as if I could conquer the world, well maybe just this city for today. Regardless, today seems like a good day so far. The sky is all gloomy and dark, my favorite kind of weather. Let's hope today continues to go well, because I have plans later that I'm rather nervous about. I don't know why I'm nervous, but even tasks such as picking out my outfit or how to do my make up seems rather daunting today, despite my pleasant mood. Well, I guess it's time to overcome my lack of confidence and get out there, right? On a different note, I've been obsessed with reading lately. I'm currently trying to tackle two books at once, Hemingway's, For Whom the Bell Tolls, and Reid Hoffman's, The Start-Up of You. Both are really interesting, yet very, very different genres. Hopefully my attention span allows me to finish both soon, but we will see soon enough. By the way, Reader, I believe I'm going to start posting photos to go with each post.. So today's photo happens to be from yesterday's photo walk.

19 February 2012

Hello and Goodbye February. This month drags on at times and speeds by others. In about 9 days, I will be eighteen. Wow! I've been waiting years and years for this, yet the closer it gets the more scary, rather than exciting, it becomes. Hopefully, 18 marks the good changes in my life, but only time will tell. I can legally buy scratchers and lottery tickets! Woop Woop! The best thing of all though, is I'll be able to drive soon! For me, a car is so much more than wheels.. its freedom! I can finally call up my siblings, my aunt, my cousins, my grandparents, and say, "Let's do something!" I'll be there in an hour or so!" Can you believe it? So exciting! The nerve racking part is, I'll be an adult. I have had so much to handle at 17 after the crazy year my family has had, to think that I'll have more responsibility is very frightening. But, I come from the Jancys/Zaycher bloodline, so I can do pretty much anything I put my mind and heart into. Eighteen. That number still seems so young, but it gives each person in America so much freedom. Let's hope I can achieve all the things I desire. Especially, to write a novel before I die. I want to base it off of my life and experiences, making it really person, but not biographical.. if that makes any sense. In about 9 days, I'll start really living and I'll make changes that will benefit me in the future. How exciting! How scary!

15 February 2012

Surprises come in all shapes, form, sizes.. and colors too. Little did I know, today was going to be one giant surprise. I woke up at 5am, showered, got dressed, did my make-up.. you know, the normal. I left at 6 in the bitterly cold, February weather we have here in So Cal, fought the wind, and eventually made it to school. Throughout the day, things continued to change. My classes were cut shorter, I actually did pretty well on a test I wasn't prepared for, and I got to see some really amazing people. I must say though, the weather was the best surprise of all. By 12 it was raining, and shortly after, it was snowing. So here I am, at 2:38pm, sitting at my desk, writing to you. I can't begin to tell you how beautiful the snow that's falling is.. Gigantic snow flakes, pure white, floating down to Earth like a little piece of Heaven itself. Days like this make me think of my Mom, who used to always celebrate the snow, because it meant school would get cancelled and we could stay home together to enjoy the warmth of our home. It's beautiful how nature creates such amazing things.. rain, snow, hail, lightning, thunder, etc. It's funny for me, someone not religious, to think about people thanking God for such beautiful weather, when, at least for me, I always thank Mother Nature. As I type away, the snow is beginning to fall much harder and quicker.. hopefully it doesn't stop anytime soon. I'm enjoying writing, watching the snow, and listening to my secret love, Coldplay. Memories keep coming to mind, making my mind drift to places I haven't been in so long.. times with my past love, my mom, and even as a child playing in the snow outside with my siblings. When I close my eyes, picturing the snow in front of me, all I can hear are the sounds of my music drifting in the background and car tires dragging along through the wet and soft snow covered streets. That, oddly enough, is one of my favorite sounds. The dead silence of the snow fall, but the occasional cars rolling through my neighborhood.. reminding me of being a kid again. Mom and I used to sit inside during weather like this, waiting for my Dad to come home from his job down in El Segundo. We would hear cars pass by and run to the window, even if we knew in our hearts it wasn't him, but then we'd hear a sound resembling his toyota camry and make a run for the door. The look on my Mom's face when she saw my Dad getting out of his car, safe and sound, was absolutely beautiful. Yeah, they argued a lot, but if you ever thought they didn't love each other, you would have to be clinically insane. Wherever my Mom is right now, I hope she knows I'm thinking of her.. but knowing her as well as I do, the snow was probably all influenced by her, letting me know that I'm on her mind too. Call me crazy, I don't mind. She and I have always been connected, when she passed away, it wasn't just losing a Mom, but a friend.. and even more so, a part of myself. We were one person in two bodies. We had that tight knit connection, where without even having to say a word at all, we could communicate an entire conversation. So today, this post is dedicated to her, my Mom. In about two weeks I will be 18, only a few days later, will be the one year mark of her death. I'm not ready for it, at all.. but I take comfort knowing she's out of pain. Before I write an entire novel, I'm going to end like this; Life is full of surprises, twists and turns you never see coming, whether good or bad. Today, just happened to be one of those, the good kind.

8 February 2012

Hello new beginnings.. Goodbye negativity. I know I've failed to post in about a week, but let me catch you up on the insanity! The day after my acceptance to AUP, I discovered that my father was somewhat forced into retirement.. Now, that, my friend's is quite a long story. Anyways, with him no longer working at his current job, I began to be discouraged and lose all hopes of being a student in Paris. There are still many things worrying me, considering our would runs off of money, but I am trying to take a new approach on it. Instead of whining about, lets make a difference.. So I've restarted my job hunt, widening my possibilities, and really flaunting my talents to see where I end up. IF only life came with directions.. If I make a right here, where will I be in ten years? What about if I take a left? Then again, would that really be any fun? Nothing is easy, nor will it ever be. To get a good job, you must work for it. To get into a good university, you must study like crazy. To love, you must be willing to open your heart, even if there's the risk of being hurt. Who knows, maybe life isn't so hard afterall? Okay, now I'm joking. It's tough and there are no guarantees, nor are there any certainties, but doesn't that make life that much more interesting? We don't know how long we are set on this world or how long we get to enjoy all the things Mother Nature has to offer us.. so let's enjoy it, not only for ourselves, but for the people who are no longer here with us. Now that I've gone on a seemingly pointless tangent, I would just like to say that no matter how hard life gets or how much you wish there was an escape button, you're alive and breathing. So, let's be positive and take the things that aren't so great and use them to our advantage. Maybe along the way, you'll find something you've been missing all along...

1 February 2012

Sometimes, we are nearly crushed by the weight of our own expectations and others, we gain from the sacrifices we make to succeed. On a day such as today, the first of February, I was finally lucky enough to see myself succeed. I've written many words til the point of blisters, ran many miles, studied many hours, lacked the amount of sleep needed to last an entire day, and worked until I thought my eyes were going to roll out of my head. That's been my life since kindergarten.. believe it or not. I always desired to make my mother proud, since she was so beautiful, brilliant, and the best woman you could ever meet, so I pushed myself passed near impossible limitss. She didn't pressure me, nor force me into any of this, but rather watched me grow and taught me everything I know about who I am. When I felt the devastation of failing my own goal, she was always there to pick me up again and again, telling me that no matter what I did, she would ALWAYS be proud. Those words have stuck by me and contiue to stick nearly a year after her death. When I close my eyes, it's her smiling face telling me how PROUD she is of me. And today, I'd like to think I made her extremely proud. Today, I crossed the line from childhood to adulthood by accomplishing one of my all time biggest goals. Though, I won't be 18 until the twenty-eighth of this month, I'm quite certain today I became someone. After a long day and a constant battle to stay away, I came home in a melancholy mood, but day dreamed of the next coming months when I'd leave for college. I spoke to my oldest sister, Marisa, about the excitement of leaving for a new place to start over. I thought I had already made up my choice, fearing I wouldn't make it into my top choice University, drolling over the campus map of the University of Washington. I decided to chek my email, out of pure boredom, to find an email from my admissions counselor at the American University of Paris, titled, "Congrats!" So I decided to open it, thinking it would just say thank you for applying.. but instead.. it said I have been accepted to AUP, starting in the Fall of 2012. My heart stopped, everything froze, and the seconds stop going by.. okay I'm being quite dramatic, but for a moment there, that's how it sure felt. In an effort to figure out the meaning behind this, I called Marisa, who screamed and walked me through the steps I need to take in the next few months. Shortly after, my entire family knew. I cried for an hour straight, in disbelief and pure joy. As I started to accept the fact that I could be a future AUP student, I remembered the four gigantic pictures hanging on my walls.. the Eiffel Tower in all different colors, angles, and sizes. My dream of travelling there now seems so much more possible. Though, I have much to decide still and must keep my options open, but at least I was finally recognized for my achievements. Wow, a possible California girl off to start a new life in Paris, France.. who would've thought? And on this note, I shall leave you, dear reader, with one last thing.. Thank you to all the people who have supported me, I wouldn't be here without you, especially my Mom and siblings.